relationships My sister's depressed, but she doesn't want my help: Ask Ellie

22:37  06 february  2018
22:37  06 february  2018 Source:   Toronto Star

I think my younger boyfriend is 'stashing' me: Ellie

  I think my younger boyfriend is 'stashing' me: Ellie I was married for ten years to a great guy (we had 15 years total together). We have two beautiful children. Recently, I decided I wasn’t happy and met someone else much younger than me. He’s 24, I’m 31. He’s never had a long relationship (I’m his longest at eight months). He’s accepted that I have children, I don’t expect him to play “Dad.” Their father is in the picture and we communicate well when it comes to the kids.I fell in love with this guy and he says he loves me too, but I haven’t met his family. He’s only met the children, my nephew and my mom. Every time I ask him to meet my whole family, he always has to work.

Q: My younger sister has been very depressed about her boyfriend’ s poor treatment of her , which ended recently ELLIE TESHER ASK ELLIE Published February 5, 2018 - 6:08pm. Comments. How can I help her ? Worried Sis . A: Your advice is good but she doesn ’ t want it from you.

I feel like we created a monster by helping him so much. What’ s worse is he’ s turned my sister against our family by instigating a fight immediately after she gave birth to their second child. Grandma wants me to have a baby as revenge against cousin: Ask Ellie .

It can be hard to watch your sister suffer, but it doesn't mean you're the one who can or should change her, Ellie says.© Richard Lautens It can be hard to watch your sister suffer, but it doesn't mean you're the one who can or should change her, Ellie says.

My younger sister has been very depressed about her boyfriend’s poor treatment of her, which ended recently with his leaving her apartment where he’d lived for four years.

She’s 34 and has two kids, 13 and 11, from a previous relationship. Her boyfriend’s 26.

He was a new immigrant here when they met through family. She was immediately taken with him, though he had nothing, and moved him in without rent or food money from him.

But he was ambitious, went to school, got a job and got promoted. She’s got an OK job, but she’s always been needy and too giving in her relationships.

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I feel like we created a monster by helping him so much. What’ s worse is he’ s turned my sister against our family by instigating a fight immediately after she gave birth to their second child. Grandma wants me to have a baby as revenge against cousin: Ask Ellie .

Home » Disorders » Depression » Depressed Sister . I really want to help her , and I try my best. In the past 2 years I’ve been advising her to see a psychologist.

She’s the dependent type, like our mother who cried for years after our father left. I’m the opposite.

Things deteriorated when her boyfriend bought an expensive car, smart clothes and started staying out late with “friends.” She accused him of being with other women, but he always denied it.

Now he’s gone and she’s devastated, constantly crying and retelling her story.

I want to help her, but she rejects my opinions. I tell her to accept that it’s over, focus on her kids, get out with friends and even find a new job.

I want to get her a therapist for her depression, but she acts as if I’m insulting her when I suggest it.

How can I help her?

Worried Sis

Your advice is good, but she doesn’t want it from you.

She is who she is. Being a sister doesn’t mean you’re the one who can or should change her. What she wants from you is caring support.

My wife and I stopped having sex and I’m frustrated: Ellie

  My wife and I stopped having sex and I’m frustrated: Ellie I love my wife and always enjoy sex, but it is my biggest problem in our marriage. She’s 65 and I’m 75, working 20 to 35 hours a week. Even when my wife was in her 30s, we had sex once a month. She’s still sexually appealing to me. Later in our life, sex completely disappeared.When I confronted her or talked about it, she said that sex isn’t important to her, but I can find a sex therapist and make all the arrangements and she’ll come along. I’ve consoled myself with porn, which of course isn’t the same. I’m frustrated. I thought it was our problem, not mine.

She doesn ' t want to study regularly but gets depressed when scolded for not doing well in academics or even if she is asked to study. So awesome for you to want to help your sister . You can help her understand depression has gradations, levels, and triggers.

Depression . How do you help a depressed elder when they lash out? I'm so afraid that they will ask her to leave, don' t have a plan B. She has been angry and anxious to the point that I don' t like being I don' t think my sisters want her to live with them either, sad I know. Any similiar stories out there?

Yes, therapy could help her adjust to this loss, but she has to want it in order to benefit.

However, depression can become chronic and that affects her kids’ environment and her own mental health.

If it persists, suggest she see her doctor (accompany her, if she lets you) so she can manage her daily life at work and with her children. If she won’t accept this from you, try to enlist her closest friend.

I long ago lost touch with one of my oldest guy friends (from elementary school days), but through mutual friends I heard that he fell on hard times.

He split with his wife and his kids were divided — one with him, one with his ex, one with children’s services and another with an aunt.

He’d become a big drinker so I assumed that was the problem. But I heard that he’s also had serious mental health issues, outbursts, etc.

His wife and I never became friends. Their divorce has been ugly and messy, especially for the children.

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Although I can’ t offer a diagnosis on the basis of a letter, it is probable that you are correct, that she is depressed . Want a more immediate answer from others like you? Use your Psych Central account in our self- help support community now.

Why didn’ t you want to ask Dylan?” Sister : “Well…” For example, if you attend college, inviting your sister to visit campus would help her see what college life is like and help keep on track academically; plus, you seem even cooler in her eyes (and you get “nice big brother” points from the people around

After not hearing from him for years, he’s reached out to me.

I don’t want to be rude or unkind to him, but I don’t want to be involved.

He’s Not My Bro

Everyone makes choices, and yours is to be uninvolved with this long-ago friend.

Yet you’ve written me, so you’re not fully comfortable with your decision. Or, perhaps you’re trying to justify it.

You know yourself best. If you fear that responding to him will take you down a frustrating rabbit hole while trying unsuccessfully to help this guy after years of his troubles, then you’re not the right support person for him anyway.

BUT, if you feel for old times’ sake that you should consider one meeting to listen and show some compassion, then think about it some more . . . until you’re certain that you’ve made the right decision.

Tip of the day

Sibling advice sometimes highlights the differences between one another rather than the connection.

Read Ellie Monday to Saturday. Email ellie@thestar.ca or visit her website, ellieadvice.com.Follow @ellieadvice.

My fiancée doesn't want my daughter at our wedding: Ask Ellie .
I’m an older man with a grown daughter who was not a very big part of my life (due to her mother’s infidelity and refusal to allow visitation — after multiple court battles and one contempt charge). I’ve met someone and we are planning to get married. But recently my fiancée informed me that she did not want my grown daughter to be at the wedding (nor any of my friends, either). My fiancée has been most insistent that I try to have a relationship with my daughter, but that the relationship would not include her (i.e. the fiancée).

Source: http://ca.pressfrom.com/lifestyle/relationships/-62612-my-sisters-depressed-but-she-doesnt-want-my-help-ask-ellie/

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